Whole Foods

If it's not clear yet, I've got a spending addiction. Like many addicts, I've hit rock bottom and I'm trying to get clean. But, also like many addicts, the world is full of temptation and sometimes, one is just not strong enough to resist.

My two greatest spending temptations: West Elm and Whole Foods. Tonight, for the first time since my spending rehab started, I was faced with one of my temptations and I failed.

You see, due to my boring health issues, I have the world's most annoyingly sensitive stomach, but my intestines are filled with yeast, which we've been attempting to kill with an anti-fungal. In order to stop the yeast from coming back, I have to find a probiotic to replace the good bacteria. The super probiotics from my clinic make me vomit, so that didn't work. The dr told me to find another one or stay on the expensive compound medication forever and ever amen. He recommended Jarrow. I did a search and they have it at Whole Foods.

Crap. That means that I have to go into Whole Foods. I went in with a very specific strategy. I would enter the store, but I would not pick up a carrying device. I would go directly to the probiotics. I would select the probiotic and not look around and get the eff out of dodge.

But when I walked in, I saw that the Wild Oats canned goods were on sale. Just like Ganners said they would be. CRAP. only $.49!!!! The Tiny Girl LOVES green beans. I had to buy at least a dozen cans. I went back and got a basket, but then it was heavy, so I got a cart. So easy to push through their beautifully merchandised aisles...

Before I knew it, I was in the produce section. It's all so ripe and luscious and smells like heaven... I got out of there as fast as I could. Then there are raw nuts in bulk, unlike my ghetto ass grocery stores. So I had to pick up some pumpkin seeds for the Everything Nuts that The Boy likes. And then I saw coupon books, so I took 5. They contained no deals.

Then, the unthinkable happened. The Boy called. He was taking the Tiny Boy and the Tiny Girl to dinner and I was responsible for feeding myself. The world's most delicious and expensive salad bar was taunting me... Along with my favorite supermarket sushi with brown rice... CRAP CRAP CRAP. But I needed dinner, right? Shit. You know what happened. I took that paper salad box and filled it with divine veggies that are no different than the ones I can cut myself but they ARE DIFFERENT because they are from WHOLE FOODS and they come in SPECIAL PAPER SALAD BOXES. And they have artichoke hearts. I don't have artichoke hearts at home. DIFFERENT.

Even though I'm not supposed to eat sugar, I just wanted to look at the desserts because they looked so pretty and I like to look at beautiful pastries. Then a tiny cheesecake grew wee bitty pastry legs and lept into my cart! As if anyone could reject just an aggressive treat! SOLD.

Ready to leave. CRAP. Still need a probiotic. Holy hell. Do you know how many probiotic choices they have at Whole Foods? Apparently, that shit comes in refrigerated and non-refrigerated versions. I thought there would be, like, two to choose from. I picked one that looked like it had lots of ingredients and threw it in the cart. It wasn't cheap. Oh no. Nothing at Whole Foods is...

Then, I figure I'm safe. I'm in line. They don't have Hershey bars or red gum, so I figured I was safe. BUT they had adorable reusable bags MADE FROM RECYCLED WATER BOTTLES. And they are beautiful colors. And I NEED reusable grocery bags or the earth will shrivel up and DIE. I can't be responsible for killing the earth. So I bought five since they seemed like a true bargain at a mere $.99. Plus, it is totally cooler to advertise Whole Foods when I'm in Smith's as opposed to Walmart who has bags for the same price.

I spent $63. Nothing was on sale. NOTHING. I feasted on my WAY OVERPRICED but very DELICIOUS salad and sushi. That cheesecake was ... sweet jesus, it was good.

Wait, the green beans were on sale. I got green beans on sale, so it's okay, right???

Whole foods broke me. Back to one day clean. I'll be better this weekend. I promise. I'm sorry to disappoint you... I can't go to Henderson for a while. I'm not ready to be anywhere near West Elm. I'm still too weak....